I forgot ,I totally forgot! Relationships are a special kind of struggle. After being single for so long,I have to admit that I'm struggling with this. I know last time i said I wasn't going to blog about "the man" yet, I'm still not gonna talk about him on here,just going to talk about how I feel.
*sighs* what can I say... Relationships are a special kind of struggle. Oh wow! I didn't realise,I know relationships require work but it's different when you're actually doing the work! I feel like we are like chalk and cheese. I'm Virgo,he's Pisces- earth+water=Mud! When did i start believing in horoscope? Well I don't! I'm just trying to show how different we are.
I like to talk hours on end to my current POI (Person of interest),he can't do 7mins of just rambling and not talking about anything but random rubbish,the kind I like. I know when to create time for us and say no to friends,he doesn't! Having to plan time to spend together is difficult,cuz of the nature of our jobs. I tell my friends that I don't know when I became so needy and clingy,but I know it's not just me. I'm not going crazy! It's always something,one thing after the another. One thing I've learnt is Patience! Woah! I have learnt to be patient! If you know me well,you'll know this is huge! I even find myself doing the things he likes,even down to my nail polish *covers face*
I can't help wondering "what on earth did I get myself into?" like omg! I have learnt to put my non issues on the back burner,just so I'm there. Who'll be there for me? When I want to talk,everyone else is available but the one I want. Sometimes I'm not very positive as to where this can lead,but I promise to give it a chance. These days it feels like that's what fills 70% of my thoughts and talks sef. I don't want to talk to my friends about how I feel anymore, cuz I feel it's becoming a bit too much,things should not be this much,no?!
I'm not even sure what this post is trying to say,I think it's all summed up in the first
paragraph really,but I still had to ramble na :D
I can't proof read,if I do,I won't post this any longer.
Till next time Peace,Love,Harmony and Respect to you and yours
xoxo
Ms.Bollz

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

Hello people! Happy new year? Have I been here this year? I don't even remember. Either way this is going to be short. Life has been so so, I know people have it worse than I do,but I still pray for a better life. What has been going on? Well except from work,not much else really,just trying to keep it together and stay sane. Errr what else? My bestie is getting married! My oldest and dearest friend. We've been through so much together,she's one of the few who has managed to love me at me lowest (don't know how she managed that). I can be very horrible,but I guess it takes a special someone to see through that and still love me. Sounds like I'm talking about a man shey? Talking about "man".... Nah! Nevermind I'm not ready to introduce man into my blog,so lets move on jejely.

Strength, Courage and Wisdom... That's what I pray for right now. The strength to come to terms with what I have to do. The Courage to actually do what I have to do and the Wisdom to know how to do what I have to do.
You wanna know what this thing is right? Ah well! It sorta falls under the *not to be blogged about just yet* category.
LOL! So what did I come to say? Well not much,just checking in to see if anyone is still interested.
Oh! yea my brother had baby number 2. A girl this time and she's also almost namesake with one of my dear friends mentioned in this blog. So my Torera's are pretty special ladies *muah*
How's everyone doing? Time for my blog rounds,see u around and I promise not to be a stranger :)

Till next time Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect to you and your's
xoxo
Ms. Bollz

Behold, I will do a new thing...

Helloooooooooooo!

It's been forever since I blogged, I have tried once or twice since then but words...words... they just seem so hard to string together.

So what has happened since the last time? Well, I got a job. Yay right? Right. It's a job sha, does it pay my bills? Am I now financially independent? Am I happy at my job? The answer to all is NO! but it's a job right? Right!

The year has come to an end and I thank God for His grace. Grace is defined as "God's unmerited favour" and I hold on to that. He has been merciful even when I didn't deserve it. 2011 was not the best year, but I'm hopeful for 2012. I pray that 2012 will be good to me. I pray that I will be good to 2012 and hold on tight to my God, keep my side of things.

I drifted off to sleep tonight and woke to a broadcast from a friend/roommate at uni it was an early new year message and it had a scripture. Isaiah 43: 19

"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." 

NIV version says "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?"

I read it and it touched me in my Spirit, I decided to read the passage from the beginning. Tears began to pour from my eyes... I have gone so far from my God. I've been so distant from Him, I've not been able to partake of the promises He had for me in 2011. Then I got to verse 22

" 22 But thou hast not called upon me, O Jacob; but thou hast been weary of me, O Israel.  23Thou hast not brought me the small cattle of thy burnt offerings; neither hast thou honoured me with thy sacrifices. I have not caused thee to serve with an offering, nor wearied thee with incense."

Things got real. I haven't called upon Him, yes I say by God's grace but I haven't really called upon Him. I haven't offered him sacrifices. I owe God, so how do I expect all those promises? *sigh*

I don't mean to preach, it's not something I didn't know before but it's a time for sober reflection. I thank God for His grace, ask for forgiveness and pray for the grace to be better from now hence forth.

OKAY! I'll stop here. I wish you all (those that come here from time to time and those that just stumbled upon this page) a FANTASTIC New Year!!! May the best of the past years, be the worst of the latter years, may He cause His light to shine upon you, may He lift you up among kings, may the grounds always rise up to meet you, may you find favour wherever you go... AMEN!!!

Till next time, Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect to you and your's. See you in the New Year.

xoxo,

Ms. Bollz

Innit brov?

Choi! My people see "P-setting oh", that's how this pikin I met on friday night wanted to use me set summer P. Thunda knack you anywhere you are o. See at some point in my life I would have gone along with him, had fun and see where it goes, but you see at his stage in my life I'm not in for casual flings (ahem,well it actually depends on the circumstance). Anyway, I met this boy at a club (yes,I'm open to meet people at clubs), he is probably max 24 (which is too young for me anyway). He came up to me, asked to dance, I politely declined- I don't dance with men I'm not having something with, no big deal but I enjoy my dance so for me to face a guy to dance we must me simulating something- I digress *grins*. Bottom line- I enjoy dancing by myself! So this boy comes up and in the process we strike a conversation, he asks if i'm out of school (first red flag), what I studied bla bla from the conversation I gather his a lawyer from London... Actually first red flag was his crew of "corn-rowed" brothers all dancing together in the corner, second he wore bling with "POW" on it. I mean that says it all hunh? but since I've changed (from being a bitch) and I was feeling happy, I indulged him and enjoyed the attention I must admit. As the night was winding down, he asks for my pin and I gave him (btw I NEVER give out my pin to people I just meet) but i thought "hey what the heck,you can always delete and ignore him". We chat that morning after I got home,he sends me a bbm on saturday about how he wasn't given up on getting to know me, I reply with "Lol". Then come sunday he sends a bbm asking what I was doing and if i had plans to which I replied "Yup", and that was it really, he disappeared from my chat and contact list. I was confused, thinking I deleted him by mistake I sent him a PIN message and he replies "lol yea I decided to take the hint".
I blame him not, I blame me for ignoring all the red flags and going against my rule and giving him my pin. Stupid little boy looking to "set summer P" on his aunty (no I'm not old o). LOL just wanted to share my story of how I was shenked by an "innit brov"

Moving on, last week was my ex's birthday. I didn't even remember till 2 days after when it was my friends birthday. The day didn't make a difference to me,it was just another day in August,  but once upon a time it would have been special to me, I would have been preparing, saving and counting down till the day. It's been 7 years since we broke up, about a year since we last saw or spoke, but when I thought of him last week... I couldn't help but wonder if he was the on that got away, my girl always "jokes" that maybe he's my real husband, the other day she said the same thing and told me to look for him. I replied "I hope he's happy and I wish him well", I really do, he's a great guy and he deserves happiness. The reason we broke up hasn't changed, I don't think I can make him happy (classic case of "it's not you,it's me"),  but seriously it just wasn't there for me. I felt bad about it,but better then than now or worse after marriage. Occasionally, I let my friends words sink in and I think "what if", what if he is/was the one? Then I remind myself that "the one" is who God has made for me, I will meet him (or have met him), we will find each other, fall hopelessly in love, fit together and be together. I'm a hopeless romantic ! lol

Till next time Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect to you and yours.
xoxo
Ms. Bollz

P.S Thanks to Tori and Muse origins for always reading and encouraging with kind words *hugs*

Lord give me a sign

I knew ever considered that I'd be out of a job for this long, it's almost a year and things are not necessarily looking great.After one year in Uni number 1, a year in pre-degree and a 4year degree program, I never thought I would be without a job after school. Yea,I knew the economy wasn't great and job hunting was a b*itch, but I just didn't think it was going to happen to me. My friends have been lucky, in fact since we've graduated L is at her second job and loving it, even today T told me she has a gig for 2weeks (short,but better than I can say for myself). During a discussion with a friend on Saturday he asked me how I'm doing about the whole no job thing. To be honest? It sucks! I mean right now I have all the time to do whatever it is I please at whatever time, but when the end of the month comes and there is no credit alert from the bank, it sucks! Or when i want to purchase something and I don't have the funds, it sucks! Most of all, when I meet people (men) and they ask, what do you do? I say nothing, they don't believe me. It sucks because at this stage in my life I should have gained some sort of financial independence... *sigh*
Have I told you how much it sucks? Well it does!
I don't even know what i want to do in terms of business (aka side hustle), I've tried one or two things but in terms of long run plans I have nothing! I'm still trying to think hard. I know I'm not a 9-5,sit behind a desk all day type of person... At an interview last week the interviewer told me to think seriously about business or work, as I seemed more inclined towards business. I agree!
Lord Show me a sign, I'm at that point where...

Till next time Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect to you and yours

Between you and me

"Mum, no one has to tell me how lucky I am to have you because I've always known for a long time. When I think back over the years and remember all the special things you've done for me, I realise that you're not only a wonderful mum, you're also a unique woman.  

You've taught so much about life and love and giving, and those are lessons I'll never forget. You've shown me how to stand on my own in the world, and for that I'll always be grateful. So many things that have added to my happiness have been gifts from you."

 The quote above are the words on the card I got for my mum. It's her birthday today and everything I wanted to tell her was written on this card. If I still wrote, these are the things I'd write to her. I know everyone says it, but I love my mother...from the depth of my soul, my inner being and with every bone in my body. She made me who I am today. My earth angel, always watching and always guiding. Between you and me mama, you're wonderful! Maybe not my best friend, but a very dear friend.
I love you mummy. Love always Titilope

Till next time Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect to you and yours.
xoxo
Ms. Bollz

In my little cocoon

Friend A: Hey wanna go out on friday?
Friend B: Errrr,well I'm hanging out with my other friend. What do you wanna do?
Friend A: Oh! it's nothing,just wanted to go to XYZ
Friend B: Oh ok,might be going to XYZ also,i'll let you know
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Friend A sends a message to another friend
*Friend no longer has you as a contact. Re-invite or delete contact*
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Two separate (unrelated) scenarios. They're a few things I take personal...actually I lie. They are quite a number of things, but it's no big deal, nothing to worry about, just amazes me really how easy I am forget. Over the years I have learnt not to expect much or bother about things/people much. Right now I am distant from people/friends, I wasn't aware of it until now. Maybe it was on purpose or maybe not, I dunno but for now I retreat back to my shell, only to come out when necessary.

Side note- The freedom I have on here... I doubt that many people (especially those that know me personally) read. Hehehehe
Oh! and before I go, let me share a little testimony with you. I've been a little down lately as my posts show but the other day I updated my BBM status to "Find your place of praise" (another story behind that phrase) ...and just when I was slipping into mild depression about the state of my affairs, I got a call to come for an interview. It went well, now waiting on the next stage.
Moral of the story: In ALL things, find your place of praise (in Him). He will always come through for you, always!

Till next time Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect to you and yours
xoxo
Ms. Bollz